You think that you are in charge of me? Things have been getting out of hand lately and I'm pretty sure it's quite clear to the both of us. Let's be honest, we had a good run.
Let's travel back a while, April 2010. Better yet, let's go to late 2009 when it really all began. I remember how we used to stay up all night on the phone. You still lived with your mom and whenever you played a card game with your mom and Sarah you called me and put me on speaker phone. We both still had flip phones- I guess it really was a long time ago. One night in October, we all went midnight bowling with a big group of people. I think that night was really the beginning of anything we had. I realized how much I liked you and yet still we waited to date for another 6 months. It's so weird to think of these feelings, how much has changed in these past years.
Things progressed. That April night, I remember it so clearly. I stayed up late talking to you despite the fact that my lacrosse practice started early the next morning. I was just joking around telling you about some weirdo who randomly asked me out on a date. We both laughed about it and then you asked me why? Why what? Why are we laughing? Why did I say no? You asked me if I wanted a boyfriend and I said I wasn't sure. You seemed different. Then you hung-up the phone and I went to sleep. I felt the vibration of my pillow and looked at a text message from you. I smiled and said yes and went to sleep with a smile on my face. The next morning I told everyone at practice about us.
Here I am typing this letter to you in realization that it's over: things will never fix themselves. You live too far. That's not the only problem either. When I walk back down into the basement after getting us something to eat and I see you looking through my text messages in search of some reason to yell at me. Your excuse is that you're "playing a game" on my phone. Do you think I'm dumb, I have no games on my phone. These past few months have been rough and honestly I tried to overcome my feelings but you're not helping. We just hit two years and in some ways these have been the best few years of my life, but in other ways you're ruining me. You try to keep me from being the person that I am.
I have a confession: I've met someone else who stays up late and talks to me whenever I need someone. He's been helping me through a lot of the problems I've been feeling with you just like you did way back when. I'm sure you'd like him, he's funny, handsome and he understands me. He said that when you and I break up, he'll be the boy I'm looking for. He'll come over and watch goofy shows with me instead of calling me immature. He'll be the new boy to make me smile.
We've gone through too many things together, Alex, and the problems won't fix themselves. Let's just be friends-No, that sounds too corny. Let's not be friends and stay out of each others lives. I hope you'll miss the couple we used to be, I know I do. Maybe you'll realize what you missed out on when you see my prom pictures on Facebook. My new best friend is taking me and we're going to have a blast.
Regards,
Caitlin
